Blade Pakkiri's Vanishing Act

IF TOYS 'R' US WERE TO SACK ALL ITS EMPLOYEES, WHAT WOULD IT BE CALLED?
We 'R' Us

AKBAR'S BIOGRAPHY WAS CALLED AKBARNAMA. BABAR'S WAS NAMED BABARNAMA. WHAT WILL BE THE APT TITLE FOR A QUITTER'S MEMOIRS?
Rajinama

WHAT DO YOU CALL AN INVISIBLE PUNJABI KUDI?
Missingh

WHAT DID CLARK KENT GET AFTER RETIREMENT?
Super Annuation

NO COMPANY WANTED TO RECRUIT MIDAS AS VP (HR). WHY?
Because every handshake of Midas was a Golden Handshake.

Adi Kadi # 36

WHAT IS A SIMBU COUNTDOWN?
Nayan, eight, seven, six, five...

Adi Kadi # 37

WHY SHOULD ANBUMANI BE IN THE INDIAN OLYMPIC TEAM?
Because he AIIMS well. And he fires as well.

Adi Kadi # 38

WHY IS CHENNAI NOT CLASSIFIED AS A VEGETARIAN CITY?
Yena Chennaila Eggmore irukku.

Thathuva Kadi # 16

Oru ambassador fiatukku maaralaam
Aana oru fiat ambassadorukku maaara mudiyuma?

Thathuva Kadi # 15

Tiruchikku ponaalum, Maduraikku ponaalum,
Madras Eye, Madras Eye dhaan.

Thathuva Kadi # 14

Idlikku chutney
Purushanukku pathini

Thathuva Kadi # 13

Male naata thedi pogalaam
Aana female naata thedi poga mudiyadhu

Thathuva Kadi # 12

Shankar-ra, Shankar aiya nu koopidalaam
Aana David-da, David aiya nu koopidalaama?

Thathuva Kadi # 11

Balla paathu nadungaravan bowledu
Balla paathu nadungaadhavan boldu

Thathuva Kadi # 10

PSBB pasanga dav adikkalaam
Aana DAV pasanga PSBB adikkamudiyadhu

Thathuva Kadi # 9

Fasta pannaaalum, slowa pannaalum
Medhu vada, medhu vada dhaan

Thathuva Kadi # 8

Enna dhaan sweeta irundhaalum sakkara vyaadhi pogaadhu.

Thathuva Kadi # 7

Enna dhaan karuppa irundha kooda
Patchai tamizhan, patchai tamizhan dhaan

Thathuva Kadi # 6

Doctor patienta irukkalaam.
Aana patient doctora irukka mudiyaadhu.

Thathuva Kadi # 5

Cricket fieldera irundhaa missed call.
Mine fieldera irundha missed kaal.

Thathuva Kadi # 4

Jam potta kooda butterfly, butterfly dhaan.

Thathuva Kadi # 3

Nee enna dhaan Income Tax commissionera irundha kooda unakku worry vilakku kidaiyadhu.

Thathuva Kadi # 2

Car ra park pannalaaam.
Aana park ka car panna mudiyuma?

Thathuva Kadi # 1

Vannaan manasu vecha edha vena vellai aakiduvaan.
Aana edha vechalum manasa vellai aaka mudiyuma?

Adi Kadi # 39

SIGN OUTSIDE AN ANDHRA RESTAURANT:
Meals Reddy

Kadi Boli # 33

FRITO LAYS PLANS TO LAUNCH A BRAND OF CHIPS THAT CAN MAKE YOU LAUGH. WHAT DO THEY INTEND TO CALL IT?
Chutkulays

Adi Kadi # 40

WHAT DID THE TAMIL WALL SAY TO THE HINDI WALL POSTER?
Suvar key bacchey.

Adi Kadi # 41

WHICH GOATEE IS ALWAYS IN VOGUE IN COASTAL AREAS?
Padagoatee

Adi Kadi # 42

AVASARA KUDUKKAIKU PIDICHA RUM EDHU?
Seekrum

Adi Kadi # 43

MAN-1: MAPPILAI YANE NINNUNDEY THAALI KATRAAR
Man-2: Avar dhaan stand-up comedian aachey...

Blade Pakkiri's Pharmacy

WHAT MEDICINE WILL YOU GET IF YOU KEEP A CAKE OF RIN DETERGENT IN THE REFRIGERATOR?
Colder Rin

HOW DO YOU PUT DOLLS TO SLEEP?
Give them Barbie-turates.

VAANDHI EDUKAADHA MEEN EDHU?
Avomeen

WHAT DID THE RETARD TAKE FOR KAAKAA VALEE?
Crow-cin.

WHICH MEDICINE IS VERY POPULAR WITH MUSLIMS WHO VISIT MECCA?
Haj-moola

AMONG ALL MEDICINES, WHAT DO NAATU VAIDHYAR’S FIND REALLY YUM?
Kashaayum

WHICH DRUG WAS FORMULATED TO CURE THE CONSTIPATION OF ASTERIX & COMPANY BY DRUID GETAFIX?
Isabo Gaul.

WHICH IS THE MOST TOP-OF-THE-MIND HEALTH BRAND AMONG CANDLE MAKERS?
Wicks

WOMEN IN TAMIL NADU DIDN’T COSY UP TO AN ENERGY DRINK FORMULATION BECAUSE THEY FOUND THE NAME QUITE DISRESPECTFUL. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?
Glucon-D

IF ‘DON’ BECOMES A FLOP, FARHAN AKHTAR IS PLANNING TO SUBJECT THE AUDIENCE TO A SEQUEL. CAN YOU GIVE ME ITS WORKING TITLE?
Saridon

Blade Pakkiri Earns The Iyengar's Ire

IF RICHARD BACH HAD INCLUDED AN ORTHODOX TAM BRAM CHARACTER IN HIS BOOK ‘JONATHAN LIVINGSTONE SEAGULL’, WHAT WOULD HE HAVE NAMED HIM AS?
Shastri Gull

WHAT DO YOU CALL A TAM BRAM SPINNER WHO CAN BOWL CHINAMANS & GOOGLIES?
Ambi-dextrous.

IF CHARLOTTE BRONTE HAD WRITTEN A TALE ABOUT A TAM BRAM LADY, WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN ITS TITLE?
Jane Iyer

A TAM BRAM DAD HATED HIS TWIN CHILDREN. ONE HE NAMED ABISH. WHAT DID HE CALL THE OTHER BOY?
Abish 2

WHAT’S THE FAVOURITE DRINK OF THE TAM BRAM MALE?
Agraha Rum

WHAT’S THE FAVOURITE DRINK OF A TAM BRAM PRIEST?
Goth Rum

WHAT’S THE FAVOURITE DRINK OF THE TAM BRAM FEMALE?
Kanjeeva Rum

WHAT GUM DOES THE TAM BRAM ASTROLOGER LOVE TO CHEW?
Panchang Gum

IF RAHUL DRAVID HAD BEEN AN IYER BOY, WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN HIS NICKNAME?
Iyerwall

A WHITE SKINNED LADY ADOPTED AN IYENGAR BOY OUT OF CULTURAL CURIOSITY. THEN SHE DUMPED HIM IN NO TIME. WHAT DO YOU CALL SUCH A LADY IN TAM BRAM PARLANCE?
Na Mum

Blade Pakkri Turns Biscuit Bandit

PATAUDIKKU PIDICHA BISCUIT EDHU?
Tiger

PAITHIYAKARANUKKU PIDICHA BISCUIT EDHU?
Krackjack

MUTTAALKU PIDICHA BISCUIT EDHU?
Bekuman's

SPLIT PERSONALITYKKU PIDHICHA BISCUIT EDHU?
50-50

AMMAN KOIL ARCHAGARUKKU PIDHICHA BISCUIT EDHU?
Marie

GAMBLERUKKU PIDICHA BISCUIT EDHU?
Monaco

CENTRAL MINISTERUKKU PIDICHA BISCUIT EDHU?
Parle-Ji

DUBAI KARARNUKKU PIDICHA BISCUIT EDHU?
Gold Biscuit

LEATHER MERCHANTUKKU PIDICHA BISCUIT EDHU?
Hide & Seek

DAYANIDHI MARANUKKU PIDHICHA BISCUIT EDHU?
SUN-Feast

Blade Pakkiri Says Sayonara

WHAT WERE THE TWO THINGS HITLER LIKED ABOUT JAPAN?
Judo & Jujitsu. He thought they were jew-bashing techniques.

WHAT WAS HH MUNRO’S FAVOURITE BIKE?
Kawasaki

WHAT DID PAUL MCCARTNEY SAY AFTER SEEING JOHN LENNON’S GIRL FRIEND?
Yoko Oh No!

SAI BABA HAS A DISTANT COUSIN IN JAPAN. THEY SAY HE’S A 4-FOOTER. CAN YOU GIVE ME HIS NAME?
Bon Sai Baba

WHY DID THE BLONDE WHORE THINK, ALL JAPANESE MEN WERE POLITICIANS?
Because she often heard them say, “I have an election”.

JAPAN KARANUKKU PIDICHA KAAI EDHU?
Akai

WHAT DO YOU CALL A MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE IN JAPANESE?
Origamy

WHAT DO YOU CALL A JAPANESE IMMIGRANT WHO DABBLES IN PHOTOGRAPHY?
ReFuji

WHICH TAMIL SINGER’S NAME IS UTTERED OFTEN IN JAPANESE RESTAURANTS IN DELHI?
Sushi La

WHY DO SUMO WRESTLERS NEVER WISH TO BECOME PARLIAMENTARIANS?
Because in Japan, the parliament is called the Diet.

Blade Pakkiri's Gujarat Riot

IF A GUJJU GOLFER WERE TO WRITE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY, WHAT WOULD BE ITS TITLE?
Putt Tale

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GUJJU GLASSMAKER?
She Shah

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GUJJU GIRL WHO SEEKS NIRVANA?
Kurt Co Ben

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GUJARATI BOOTLEGGER?
Daarubhai Ambani

WHAT DO YOU CALL A TALL AND THIN GUJARATI?
So-lanky

IF CHO RAMASAMI WERE TO MIGRATE TO GUJARAT, WHAT WOULD HE BE CALLED?
Kemcho Ramasami

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GUJJU DANCE LOVING RUSSIAN?
Garbachev

WHICH IS THE GUJJU’S FAVOURITE NUMBER?
Six. Because if you’re a Gujju everything ends with a chhe.

WHICH OUTLAW MOVIE WILL BE A BLOCKBUSTER IN GUJARAT?
Bhuj Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

WHY DID THE GUJJU GIRL CALL OFF HER WEDDING WITH THE TAMIL BOY?
Because she heard he had ordered for a Gujarati thali instead of a mangalsutra.

Blade Pakkiri Goes Canvassing

HOW MANY TOES DOES A POLITICIAN HAVE DURING ELECTIONS?
11 (including the manifestoe)

"YOU VOTE FOR ME, I'LL GIVE YOU A COLOUR TV," WHAT IS THE TWO WORD TERM FOR SUCH KICKBACKS?
Election Commission

WHICH IS THE ARASIYAL VAADHI'S MOST PREFERRED BREAK FAST ITEM?
Oats.

WHAT'S COMMON TO AN INDEPENDENT CANDIDATE AND A CHIT FUND?
Both lose their deposits.

VAIKO KUDIKKUM BAANAM EDHU?
Bamba Rum

WHY IS MK STALIN CONSIDERED DMK'S BRIGHTEST PROSPECT?
Because he's standing in Thousand Lights.

WHICH FORM OF DEATH DOES DAYANIDHI MARAN PREFER?
”Sethaalum, SUN-stroke la daan naan saavane!”

IF T. RAJENDAR WERE TO ASK SIMBU TO MAKE A MOVIE ON AMMA, WHAT WOULD THE CHIMP CALL IT?
Petti Jaya

MAN-1: AVAR YANE KALYAANA SAAPAADU SAAPDAAMA POITAARU…
MAN-2: Adhuva, avar DMK aalu. Pandhila oru ilai podrathu badhila retta illai pottutaangalaam!

WHAT DO YOU CALL A MOBILE POLLING BOOTH?
Walk-ku Chavadi.

Punch Dialogue # 3

Kalaignarukku vote potta aduppu varum.
Ammavukku vote potta kaduppu varum.

Adi Kadi # 44

BLADE PAKKIRI KNOWS ONLY 25 ENGLISH ALPHABETS. WHY?
Because he is in the business of Aru Y.

Adi Kadi # 45

BRUCE LEE'S RELATIVE WAS ONE OF THE KEY FIGURES BEHIND THE GREEN REVOLUTION IN INDIA. CAN YOU NAME HIM FOR ME?
Hariyalee.

Adi Kadi # 46

WHICH HINDI FILM SONG WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DOWNFALL OF THE TAMIL MAGAZINE, 'KALKI'?
Chodo Kalki batein. Kalki baat purani...

Blade Pakkiri Goes To Court

WHICH ITALIAN DISH IS NAMED AFTER AN INDIAN TENNIS PLAYER?
Lasania.

WHY DID THE POLICE CONSIDER ISSUING AN ARREST WARRANT IN THE NAME OF MR. SLAZENGER, IN THE YEAR 1881?
Because he had created a racket.

WHAT’S COMMON TO AN ACCOUNTANT & A TENNIS PLAYER?
Both detest the word ‘Dues’.

WHICH STYLE OF TENNIS DOES SUGREEV HATE?
Serve & Vaali.

WHY DID THE AD AGENCY HIRE A NEAR BANKRUPT BJORN BORG?
Because they heard he was good with baselines.

WHICH VEGETABLE REMINDS THE MALLU OF A LEGENDARY TENNIS PLAYER?
Lentil.

WHICH TENNIS PLAYER WAS VERY QUICK AT SOLVING PROBLEMS?
Maths Wilander.

WHICH TENNIS PLAYER WAS A HUGE HIT WITH BARBERS?
John Newcomb.

WHICH TENNIS PLAYER IS MOST LIKELY TO BE MISTAKEN FOR AN AMNESIAC?
Guy Forget.

LALOO PRASAD YADAV WAS INVITED TO PARTICIPATE IN A POLITICAL PROTEST IN PARIS. INSTEAD OF LANDING UP AT THE DEMONSTRATION AREA HE HEADED STRAIGHT TO ROLAND GARROS. WHY?
Because Rabri had told him that the biggest rallies happen there.

Adi Kadi # 47

WHAT IS THE TAMIL WORD FOR A WOMAN PACE BOWLER WITH A SUSPECT ACTION?
Chuckalathi.

Blade Pakkiri Loves Arjun Singh

WHAT IS AN ARJUN SINGH SALE?
49.5% off.

WHAT IS AN ARJUN SINGH MUSIC PLAYER?
One with no Fast Forward button.

WHAT IS AN ARJUN SINGH CAR?
One that travels only in reverse gear.

WHICH IS ARJUN SINGH’S FAVOURITE CITY?
Kota

WHY DOESN’T ARJUN SINGH HAVE TOO MANY THAKUR FRIENDS?
Because he’s ‘reserved’ by nature.

WHY DID ARJUN SINGH LEARN ARABIC?
So that he could read ‘backwards’.

ARJUN SINGH WAS MADE THE LAW MINISTER. HE ZAPPED EVERYONE BY CREATING ANOTHER SUPREME COURT. HE CALLED IT THE SUPREME TRIBUNAL. WHAT WAS HIS LOGIC?
For every SC, there should be an ST.

IF ARJUN SINGH WERE TO MAKE A CAREER IN FILMS, WHICH JOB WOULD HE OPT FOR?
Choosing the caste.

IF ARJUN SINGH OWNED A MOVIE THEATER, WHAT WOULD THE BALCONY BE CALLED?
Backward Class

IF ARJUN SINGH WERE A HISTORIAN, HOW WOULD HE DIVIDE TIME?
AD, BC & OBC.

Adi Kadi # 48

ARASIYALVAADHIKUM SOODHAATTAKAARANUKKUM ENNA VIDHYAASAM?
Soodhaatakaaran kaasa vaachu seat vaanguvaan, arasiyalvaadhi seata vechu kaasu vaanguvaan!

Adi Kadi # 49

WHICH IS ACTRESS RAMBA'S FAVOURITE MONTH?
Thigh maasam.

Adi Kadi # 50

WHY DOES HARKISHEN SINGH SURJEET HATE BLOGS?
Because most of them dish out RSS feeds.

Adi Kadi # 91

WHAT DO YOU CALL A PUNJABI BATSMAN?
Balle Balle Baaz.

Adi Kadi # 21

WHICH MUSIC BAND IS POPULAR WITH DOGS?
Bony-M.

Adi Kadi # 20

WHAT WAS THE GUCCI BRAND CALLED AFTER DOWNSIZING?
Oma-Gucci.

Adi Kadi # 19

WHAT DO YOU CALL AN UPWARDLY MOBILE RAT?
Eli-vator.

Adi Kadi # 18

WHAT DO YOU CALL A RAT WITH WINGS?
Eli-copter.

Punch Dialogue # 2

Aan paala irukkattum...aavin paala irukattum....paal irundhaal dhaan aadai.

Adi Kadi # 17

PULLI RAJAVUKKU PIDICHA GAME ENNAVO?
Adu Pulli Aatam.

Punch Dialogue # 1

Kamal, Vikram la nadichirukaaru. Aana Vikram, Kamal la nadikkamudiyuma.

Adi Kadi # 16

INSPECTOR: INDHA LETTERRA YARO TIRUPATHI LENDHU AMICHIRUKKANGA...
CONSTABLE: Eppidi saar kandupidicheenga!
INSPECTOR: YANE NA IDHU MOTTA KADIDASU!

Adi Kadi # 15

MAN-1: ANDHA MAMA YANE ROMBA KUZHANDA THANAMA BEHAVE PANRAARU?
MAN-2: Adhu onnum illai, avar peru chandamama, adhaan appidi...

Kadi Boli # 4

MAN: Sirjee, can you give me a lift?
SURD: Oi, I am Santa Singh. Not Otis Singh.

Adi Kadi # 14

IF WE MOVE A GIRL NAMED THANGAM FROM PLANET EARTH TO MOON, WHAT WILL SHE BECOME?
Massatra Thangam.

Kadi Boli # 3

Kudi Kudiyai Kedukkum is not a Punjabi lesbian movie.

Kadi Boli # 2

I HAVE A ZARA HATKE PLOT FOR A HINDI FILM. IT'S ABOUT TWO CHARACTERS. VEERU & BASANTI OF SHOLAY. THEY FALL IN LOVE. GET ENGAGED. LIVE WITH EACH OTHER. BUT DURING THIS LIVE-IN, VEERU DISCOVERS BASANTI'S SECRET AFFAIR WITH JAI. AGHAST HE CALLS OFF THE ENGAGEMENT. AND IN THE CLIMAX ELOPES WITH RADHA AS A REVENGE ON BASANTI. CAN YOU TELL ME AN APT NAME FOR THIS POTENTIAL BLOCKBUSTER?
Ring Dey Basanti.

Blade Pakkiri's Punjabi Dhaba

WHAT DO YOU CALL A FUNNY SURD?
Amuse Singh

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SURD WHO OWNS A BEAUTY PARLOUR?
Wax Singh

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SURD WHO’S FULL OF HYPE?
Advertise Singh

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SURD WHO WANTED TO BE AN AE?
Service Singh

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SURD WHO’S A MARRIAGE BROKER?
Match Fix Singh

WHAT DO YOU CALL A COOL SURD?
Pierce Singh

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SURD WHO NEVER GETS YOUR JOKE?
Still Process Singh

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SURD WHO FIRES EMPLOYEES?
Right Size Singh

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SURD WHO CAN PREDICT THE FUTURE?
Crystal Gay Singh

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SURD WHO GETS SCREWED LEFT, RIGHT & CENTER?
Manmohan Singh

Adi Kadi # 13

ANDHRA KARANUKKU PIDIKAADHA TEA EDHU?
Gol-tea.

Blade Pakkiri's Russian Roulette

WHAT DO YOU CALL A STINKING RUSSIAN?
Yuri Nal

WHAT DO YOU CALL A RUSSIAN WHO LOVES INDIAN JUNK FOOD?
Dmitri Vadapov

WHAT DO YOU CALL A RUSSIAN CHEF WHO’S INTO SOUTH INDIAN CUISINE?
Ivan Dosamov

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SWEET RUSSIAN LADY IN CHENNAI?
Marina Palgova

WHAT DO YOU CALL A RUSSIAN WHO IS PERPETUALLY UNDER PRESSURE?
Konstantin Dabov

WHAT DO YOU CALL A CORRUPT RUSSIAN WHO NEEDS KICKBACKS ALL THE TIME?
Boris Paisalov

WHAT DO YOU CALL A RUSSIAN WHORE?
Tatiana Bajadiuski

WHAT DO YOU CALL A RUSSIAN WHO INVARIABLY GETS THRASHED?
Maxim Markhov

WHAT DO YOU CALL A RUSSIAN MAFIAMAN?
Vladimir Mobokov

WHICH GRAND MASTER COULD COMFORTABLY PASS HIMSELF OFF AS AN ANDHRAITE?
Gary Kaspa Rao

Blade Pakkiri Turns Blade Pakkilee

WHICH IS BRUCE LEE’S FAVOURITE MUSHY SONG?
Trulee, Madlee, Deeplee.

WHAT DO YOU CALL THE EMPTY HEADED COUSIN OF BRUCE LEE?
Kha Lee

TWO OF BRUCE LEE’S NEPHEWS FELL IN LOVE WITH A MORONIC GIRL. AN ENTERPRISING BOLLYWOOD FILMMAKER MADE A HINDI FLICK ON THIS LOVE TRIANGLE. NAME THE FILM FOR ME.
Ek Fool Do Malee

HOW DOES A BRUCE LEE TOY FEEL?
Cudd Lee

WHAT’S THE NAME OF BRUCE LEE’S SISTER IN LAW?
Sa Lee

WHICH IS BRUCE LEE’S FAVOURITE TOURIST SPOT?
Ba Lee

WHAT’S THE NAME OF BRUCE LEE’S RELATIVE WHO BECAME A POET?
PB Shelee

WHAT’S THE NAME OF BRUCE LEE’S FAT AUNT?
Rollee Pollee

WHAT’S THE NAME OF BRUCE LEE’S NEICE WHO WAS FAMOUS FOR HER RUNNING NOSE?
Mook Shall Lee

WHAT DO YOU CALL BRUCE LEE’S WIDOW?
Amanga Lee

Kadi Boli # 1

Uttar Pradesh kay kuch gaon mein, aaj bhi, na nal hai, na urinal.