Friday, July 29, 2005

Blade Pakkiri Turns Legal Eagle

IF PAMELA ANDERSON HAD BEEN AN INDIAN CITIZEN, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN HAULED UP BY THE INCOME TAX DEPARTMENT ON WHAT COUNT?
Disproportionate Assets.

ACTOR JET LI ALWAYS WANTED TO PRACTICE LAW IN INDIA. BUT HE WAS WORRIED THAT HIS NAME MIGHT WORK AGAINST HIM. SO WHAT NAME CHANGE DID HE CONSIDER FOR BEING SUCCESSFUL IN INDIAN COURTS?
Arun Jet Li

WHAT DO YOU CALL A MEDIOCRE LAWYER?
Plain Vanillaw

MAN-1: YANE SIR MADRAS HIGH COURT JUDGE ELLAM BAYANGARA GUNDA IRUPANGA POLA IRRUKEY…
MAN-2: Eppidi kandu pidicheenga?
MAN-1: ADHAAN ELLA VAKEELUM JUDGA PAARTHU ‘GANAM’ KOTTAAR AVARGELEY NU SOLVAANGALAAMEY.

WHAT’S THE FAVOURITE DRINK OF A CRIMINAL LAWYER?
Bailee’s

MADURA GARMENTS IS SERIOUSLY TOYING WITH THE IDEA OF HAVING A BRAND EXTENSION TO CATER TO LAWYERS. WHAT’ S THE NAME THEY HAVE IN MIND?
Allan Solly Sorabjee

MAN-1: ANDHA JUDGE ODA NAI YANE NAGARA MAATENGUDHU?
MAN-2: Yena avar daily ‘stay order’ kodupaaraamey!

A SADISTIC JUDGE, WHO WAS HEAVILY INTO TYPOGRAPHY, IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN THE INVENTOR OF THE UPPER CASE. WHY DID HE CREATE THE UPPER CASE?
Because he believed mankind deserved capital punishment.

VAKEEL SAARUKKU PIDICHA COOKING OIL PERU ENNA?
Saffolaw

SANTA SINGH WAS A SUCCESSFUL LAWYER IN DELHI. HE HAD BEEN A TEETOTALER ALL HIS LIFE. THEN ONE FINE DAY HE SIGNED UP WITH ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. WHY?
Because he discovered he had been a member of the bar for over 15 years.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Blade Pakkiri's Brush With Painting

WHICH PAINTER’S NAME IS CHANTED ALMOST DAILY IN KERALA?
Claude Monet. His name is taken when mallus say Endha Monay.

ORU VETPAALARKUM PAINTERKUM ULLA OREY THODARBU ENNA?
Rendu peru thozhilummey canvas panradhu dhaney!

IF SAURAV GANGULY WERE A PAINTER, WHICH SCHOOL OF ART WOULD HE BELONG TO?
Dada-ism.

MAN-1: PAIYAN NALLA PAINTER NU SONNEY, ORU PAINTINGUM KAANAMEY?
MAN-2: Sevura paarunga saar, supera white wash panirukaarey.

WHICH ART FORM WAS PIONEERED BY A LAZY MALLU?
Mini-mull-ism

AN INDIAN VILLAIN BROKE INTO THE LOUVRE IN PARIS AND TORE THE MASTERPIECE MONA LISA PAINTING INTO TWO HALVES. HE STOLE ONE HALF AND LEFT BEHIND THE OTHER HALF WITH A SMALL NOTE. WHO WAS THE VILLAIN? AND WHAT DID HIS NOTE SAY?
‘Saara-sheher-mujhe-loin-ke-naam-se-jaanta-hai’ Ajit. His note said: Lisa aapka sona, aure mere liye Mona.

MAN-1: AVAR PAL YANE MANJALLA IRUKKU?
MAN-2: Adhaa, brushla tooth paste-ku badhila paint potutaru.

WHICH OLYMPIAN ATHLETE WAS A SURREALIST AT HEART?
The decathlon champ, Dali Thompson.

MANY TAMILIAN FANS HAD THIS IMPRESSION THAT THE GREAT PAINTER LEONARDO WAS QUITE EFFEMINATE. SO WHAT DID HE DO TO DISPEL HIS NOTION?
He put a da in his name and came to be known as Leonardo da Vinci.

THERE IS A THEORY THAT VINCENT VAN GOGH WAS A TAMILIAN. WHICH FAMOUS EPISODE IS CITED AS PROOF FOR THIS THEORY?
One night, it seems, the moody Van Gogh had a session with a telugu whore. He was so happy that he wanted to do it again and again. The lady was extremely tired. So she declined his offer by saying ‘kaadhu’ in her language, which means NO. Van Gogh being a tamilian, thought she was asking for his ‘kaadhu’, so he chopped his ear and gave it to her. The rest is history.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Blade Pakkiri’s Tooth For a Tooth

WHICH HINDI SONG IS AN ODE TO A TAMIL DENTIST?
Main pal do pal ka shaayar hoon.

WATCHMAN LOG KYA TOOTHPASTE PASAND KARTEIN HAIN?
Khol Gate.

A DENTURES SALES WOMAN MARRIED A YOUNG MAN FOR HIS BEAUTIFUL TEETH. BUT IMMEDIATELY AFTER MARRIAGE, THE YOUNG MAN DEVELOPED ACUTE TOOTH ACHE. SO HE WENT TO A DENTIST, WHO EASED HIS PAIN BY PULLING OUT HIS TEETH. HIS WIFE WAS AGHAST, AS HE NO LONGER LOOKED PRINCE CHARMING. YET SHE STUCK WITH HIM. WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THIS STORY?
Pal aanaalum kanavan. Pull aanaalum purushan.

IF GANDHIJI HAD WRITTEN A TREATISE ON DENTISTRY, WHAT WOULD BE ITS TITLE?
My Experiments With Tooth.

A DENTAL CONFERENCE WAS ORGANISED IN CHENNAI. WHAT WAS THE PREFFERED MODE OF TRANSPORT FOR THE DELEGATES?
Pal-lavan Transport.

WHAT IS THE ABRACADABRA EQUIVALENT OF A DENTIST TURNED MAGICIAN?
Chew-Mantrakaali.

WHY DID GEORGE DUBYA BUSH PARTY WHEN HE TURNED 50?
Because the lord almighty blessed him with a Wisdom Tooth.

IF DENTISTS IN TAMILNADU FORM A POLITICAL PARTY, WHAT WOULD IT BE CALLED?
Pal Kalai Kazhagam.

ULAGATHILEY MIGA LIGHTANA PAL EDHU?
Kap-pal.

MAN-1: NAME BOARDEY PODALAYE, NAAN DENTIST-NU EPPIDI KANDUPIDICHEENGA?
MAN-2: Kadhavila ‘Push’ sticker badhila ‘Pull’ paartha udaneye guess punitane.

DENTIST YANE EXAM EZHUDA MAATANGA?
Yena they prefer oral examination.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Blade Pakkiri Plays Shrink

WHAT WAS SIGMUND FREUD’S FAVOURITE INDIAN FOOD?
Id-li.

WHO WAS THE FIRST SPLIT PERSONALITY OF INDIA?
Jarasandha. Because Bheema split his body into two.

IF JOHN WOO HAD A TWIN BROTHER, WHAT WOULD BE HIS NAME?
Déjà vu.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A MUSLIM WITH A MEMORY PROBLEM?
Amne-shia.

WHY DID THE SHRINK TREAT MRS.MALATHI FOR PHALLIC FIXATION?
Because she named her sons – Rama Lingam, Sundara Lingam & Chocka Lingam.

A TAMILIAN NARCISSIST WENT TO A RESTAURANT. WHAT DID HE ORDER?
Naan.

A MANIC DEPRESSIVE WALKED INTO AN ELECTRICAL STORE IN INDIA. HE ENDED UP BUYING A FAN AFTER TALKING TO THE SALESMAN. WHAT DID HE BUY AND WHY?
A Polar Fan. Because he heard the salesman say: Buy-Polar Fans.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A PARANOID CHINAMAN?
Bayandhaan Kul Lee.

WHY DID THE BUILDER VISIT THE SHRINK?
Because he had developed a huge complex.

WHAT WOULD BE AN APT NAME FOR A NATION BUILT EXCLUSIVELY FOR PSYCHIATRISTS?
Hallucination.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Blade Pakkiri Resorts To Chemical Warfare

WHAT IS THE PET NAME, ASSIGNED BY EUNUCHS, FOR THE ELEMENT FLUORINE?
Chemical Ali. Because it’s the element number 9.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A RETARD IN AN OXYGEN PARLOUR?
Oxy-moron

WHICH IS THE ONLY POLITICAL PARTY THAT MEETS THE BASIC DEMANDS OF CHEMISTS?
Alkali Dal

DAIMLER BENZ PLANS TO MAKE A DREAM CAR FOR CHEMISTS. WHAT DO THEY PLAN TO CALL IT?
Mercedes Benzene

WHAT IS THE ARABIC WORD FOR CHEMIST?
Al-Chemist

WHAT DO YOU CALL THE PROGENY OF A CHEMIST COUPLE?
Test tube babies.

WHAT WOULD BE THE CHEMIST’S REPLY IF YOU SAID, ‘KNOCK KNOCK WHO IS THAT’?
Unleaded Petrol.

WHAT IS COMMON TO A NAXALITE & A CHEMIST?
Both support the Free Radical Movement.

WHAT WOULD YOU CALL:
A HORNY CHEMIST - Hump-Free Davy
AN ANGRY CHEMIST – Robert Boil
A RELIGIOUS CHEMIST – Joseph Priestly

IF OXYGEN WERE A ROCK STAR, WHAT WOULD ITS BAND NAME BE?
Air Supply.